Reposted from Birch and Maple:
I don’t know what it’s like being an infertile person who believes in god, but I can tell you that as a pagan, I suspect it sucks a little less. Oh, it’s just as painful, especially around Ostara/Eostre (Easter) and Beltaine/May Day, because of course what’s being celebrated is fertility. Spring is always a big slap in the face when you’re infertile, but boy, I can’t think of another faith that actively celebrates it.
Lest you think Pagans are all about sweetness and light and saving the dolphins, let me tell you there are plenty of witchwars/bitchwars/flamewars, never mind the whole ‘you’re not a real pagan/witch/wiccan because you weren’t initiated or you’re not a hereditary witch because or your tradition is a big pile of made up crap’ thing. Oh, it gets very tiresome, very quickly.
And then, just like everywhere else, there are the passive aggressive folk, and the well meaning folk, and quite frankly, I’ve often found they occupy the same body. Y’know, the type who tell you to ‘just relax’ or ‘just pray’ or ‘so-and-so adopted and then got pregnant’. With pagans, you can include spellwork. Just ‘work with the moon!’ and ‘eat lots of nuts and seeds’ and ‘go vegetarian!’.
Coming out as an infertile in Paganism is a minefield, one which, after I mentioned it to one or two folk, I decided I would never do again.
So why do I say it might suck a little less? Because there’s no Deity hanging over your head, no expectations in the faith that having children is What You Must Do, that if you don’t have children it’s because you’ve done something. We beat ourselves up about that enough as it is, I, for one, don’t need god ‘punishing’ me further. In Paganism infertility is just something that happens. Could be you, could be your neighbor. There’s no rhyme or reason for it, it simply is. Still sucks, but it’s not because you had a termination, or rode your bike too much, or played football, or wore tight underwear, or slept around in your youth. It just is.
I was reminded of this with the most recent birth of sextuplets, you know, the young couple in Florida whose son wanted a sibling? So they did IUI and now, of course, have lots of tots who may or may not make it? Ever notice how it’s always ‘God’s Will’? How come it’s only ever ‘God’s Will’ when you get something you want? Why is it never ‘God’s Will’ when something you don’t want happens (Muslims/Jews excepted)? It’s never ‘God’s Will’ when the star football player becomes a quadroplegic, it’s never ‘God’s Will’ when a girl gets pregnant because of incest, it’s never ‘God’s Will’ when mentally slow man gets beaten to death by a bunch of good ol’ boys.
And why are so many parents of multiples typically Fundy Christians? Is it just a matter of cause and effect, as in “We’re going to choose the treatment that gives us the best option of having multiples”? Seriously, what drives people to be so irresponsible – and my that, I mean how could you choose to bring children into this world when it’s unlikely all of them will survive? I couldn’t do that. I’d have to give them the best possible chance of survival, period. I’d rather have one healthy baby than six who don’t have very good chances.
Of course, that’s just me. Obviously people have different ideas on what survival and happiness mean. And yeah, I do judge them – in real life far more harshly than what I’ve written above, but I’m trying to keep my comments, uh, polite.
One last thing – how do you have faith and be infertile? Is it easier or more difficult? Do you lose faith? Is your faith stronger for it? Is being in religious community better or worse?
Articles of interest:
*So…Your Friend Is A Witch
**The Main Pagan Paths
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